Ori for mayor

I'd like to address the various rumors regarding me running for Mayor of Beacon. My initial response when a friend made this offer to me was anxiety and high stress related to the existential questions that inevitably accompany such decision. But just the possibility of me entering politics already helped so many people to laugh out loud, healthy laughs that according to research might be beneficial for their blood pressure and kidney function. How can a devoted blood donor like myself refuse the opportunity of helping people with their blood pressure? I hate bringing religion to politics but since our country is so tolerant for such activity I must - according to Orthodox Clowning, which I converted to back in 2016 it is considered blasphemy not to tell a joke that works. Therefore I am religiously obligated to enter the local mayoral race, and of course I vow to only say positive things about my opponents. In fact I think current Mayor Randy Casale is competent, compassionate and awesome, and I'm convinced that he'd do a great job in another term, better than what I would do for sure (I'd probably vote for him).
My main campaign promises include free ice cream for elders on Mondays, 17% tax exempt for men who express vulnerability, full merge of the Empowering Clerks Network and City Clerk office, forming an official city children's council and lowering the voting age to six as kids are more rational and compassionate than most adults. These ideas are ridiculous and silly. I made a career making satire of the government, and it'll be dangerous to let me run it.
There are some great examples of comedians who served as Mayors: Bogota's Trickster in Chief Antanas Mockus appeared regularly as Superhero Civic, replaced the traffic police with hundreds of mime artists, initiated the transformative and powerful Vaccine Against Violence participatory performance with 45,000 residents, distributed 1.5 million physical 'thumb up' and 'thumb down' signs for residents to show their feelings about their fellow citizens' actions (7 years before Facebook was a thing), among other creative programs in his two terms as Mayor which cut homicides, crime rates and traffic fatalities by half (!!!). Successful Icelandic comedian Jón Gnarr didn't expect his Best Party to be taken seriously with campaign promises that included having fun, free towels in public pools, making the parliament a drug free zone and making all five seasons of 'The Wire' required watch for government officials. He did surprised everyone and won. Gnarr was actually a good mayor of Reykjavík and managed to efficiently run the city during a harsh financial crisis while publicly and courageously making fun of NATO and the way Icelandic politicians fawn over them. Gnarr chose to go back to comedy after one term as Mayor.
After much thought, I decided that I'm willing to consider getting an endorsement from the local Beacon Democrats if they officially condemn Obama's drone warfare program and the bombing of the Al-Shifa pharmaceutical factory in Sudan. In case they won't issue a certified apology about these injustices (and Lyndon B. Johnson terrorist attacks in Vietnam) I'd run on the Immigrant Vegetarian ticket with the Pan-American Pacifist Party, assuming I'd win the primaries. My campaign will be an example of what separating money from politics may look like - it will cost $0 (zero dollars) as I will only use only free online services and face to face conversations. No wasteful lawn signs, no expansive flyers and social media promotions and no money will be accepted from anyone. Wish me luck (or not!) and share this post if you want to help! #resist